Does Anyone Care?

My fist clenches into a tight ball and shakes and my heart cries out from the deepest depth, does anyone care? It cries..as I look at my child. Through his sweet victories reminding me of what so many are missing, as well as through his leftover scars that are reminders of an old yet too recent life. My heart cries as I look at other children being advocated for.. As I contemplate all the others left behind. As I remember the faces that we left at our son's orphanage. As I hear about a little girl desperately needing a medical procedure to survive. Or the little boy who writes a letter begging for a family as he contemplates aging out onto the street. As I hear others coldly state "we need to adopt kids, HERE." Or, "The process costs too much." Or "But how will my other children be affected.." Or "I don't think I could handle it.." Or...
And I ask myself consistently, how much do we care?? How much do I REALLY care? And what am I REALLY doing about it..?

International adoptions have plummeted 80% over the past handful of years, despite the number of orphans actually increasing.

It’s said if this trend continues, international adoptions would END by 2022. 4 years from now. 4.

I’ve contacted my reps and plead they take up the cause and have asked others do the same. Unfortunately, I have a feeling maybe one or two of my friends outside of fellow adoptive parents contacted theirs.

"Adoption is contested, both in its cosmic and missional aspects. The Scriptures tell us there are unseen beings in the air around us who would rather we not think about what it means to be who we are in Christ. These rulers of this age would rather we ignore both the eternal reality and the earthly icon of it. They would rather we find our identity, our inheritance, and our mission according to what we can see and verify as ours - according to what the Bible calls "the flesh" -- rather than according to the veiled rhythms of the Spirit of life. That's why adoption isn't charity --- it's war." - R Moore

Can I be honest? It feels like if I were advocating for starving dogs down the road that'd garner more response; people would be scrounging up money and ways to help left and right. I hope I’m wrong. But that’s honestly the vibe I’ve gotten ever since educating myself on adoption in general, especially international adoption..

There’ve been many speculations as to why the huge decrease in adoptions abroad. Everything from Hague and tougher eligibility requirements, cost increases, the face of international adoption changing from healthy infant to older child and medical/special needs, and more. We could speculate all the dang day long, but the simple fact remains:: children all around the globe desperately need us, despite whatever excuse we can muster up as to why we can’t help them. Just last week I heard of another sweet child that had died while waiting for a family. You see, children around the globe aren't as privy to medical care (sometimes lifesaving), nutrition, stimulation, and so much more we, Americans, so easily take for granted on a daily basis.

We live in the comforts of our big fancy homes constantly focusing on and idolizing the faces within our four walls while ignoring the dying faces of children abroad. These are not imaginary people, friends. You may think "out of sight out of mind," oh but believe me, they exist. I've seen hundreds upon hundreds of faces of living breathing souls that had they been the only person on earth, our dear Jesus would have died on the cross for them. THAT is their value!!! Each and every one of them worth dying for as our Dear Savior showed us on Calvary. And again.. here we sit, maybe throwing a couple dollars and empty prayers here and there at the problem, then carrying on in our little American dream bubbles that we like to comfortably nestle in.

Friend, I'm asking you..please see how you can be a part of the orphan crisis. Be it donating, sponsoring, educating, giving toward family preservation, or adopting -- we need to be the hands and feet of Jesus in one way or another. So what is your part?? How can you and I make a difference in just one (or more) of these precious children's lives..?

Go to the link below and check it out. The petition closed with not enough signatures. Now go see ALL of the other petitions that easily get 100k signatures in 30 days. My heart is sad and angry. Lord, break our hearts for what breaks yours!!! Pure and faultless religion...

Petition to Save Adoptions

Dear Adoption

Dear Adoption,

We need to talk.

There's so much I've been needing to tell you. So much will be exactly what you want to hear, and some..well, please take a seat.

My feelings for you have changed over the years, especially over the past year or so since we completed our adoption.

You see, I absolutely adore you. I LOVE you. I'm beyond thankful for you. You afterall gave us our son. You've given so many children families, and so many families children. How could I not love you??

You're redemption.

You're hope.

You're love.

You take ashes and create beauty as we all like to say.

You edify and exemplify the Gospel in many ways.

You provide much needed medical care. Much needed stimulation. Education. And more.

You make orphans sons and daughters. 

B..but...you're also brokenness. 

I despise you for creating yet another trauma and loss in our son's life.

I despise that you're an option AT ALL; that children can't stay with their birth families.

I despise that you sometimes rip children from their birth countries, cultures, and from all they've ever known.

I despise that wicked people have taken advantage of you and have even coerced and tricked birth families to hand over their children.

I despise the hurt and confusion you will always cause for our son and many other adoptees.

I despise that your so called "beneficiaries" are the same ones that are also teased about you, looked at differently because of you, have ridiculous expectations because of you, and even become pawns for "heroic" and "feel good" storylines in so many tv shows and movies because of you.


I despise that sometimes no matter how hard you try, you're ultimately NOT enough. Nor will you ever be.

I despise your unknowns. Unknown family histories. Unknown medical histories. Unknown milestones. Unknown birthdates and even ages.

I despise people can't automatically recognize you. When I'm asked if I'm his "real" parent.

I despise when you fail. When parents go to adopt their children and come back empty handed. Or when a child is lovingly welcomed into one home, only to be sent to another months or even years later.

I also despise that unfortunately, I reflect you.

I adore you. Yet I can't stand you.

It isn't right that I get to hold and love on a little boy that rightfully should've remained in his birthparents' arms.

You see, you confuse me, Adoption. You're so incredibly complex. You're so incredibly beautiful, yet so incredibly..ugly. 

How can I love my son more than life itself, yet also wish he could've stayed with his birthfamily in his birthcountry?? I know you want me to just be thankful for my son and look past that "little" fact...but I can't. I. Just. Can't. Especially when my son may never look past it, and my heart never will either.

How do I look past all these things, Adoption?? How can I forgive the pain you've caused? Can you please tell me? You were so good at telling me all the good things as I grew up wanting to adopt one day, but where were you to tell me all the hard and ugly truths about yourself?? You're so good at putting on this facade. You're quite two-faced, though only wanting to show one side. You're quite the Jekyll and Hyde.

Yet, I adore you. I always will. I hope to even pursue you again, despite knowing your ugly side.

I love you, yet I hate you Adoption. I can't live with you in ways, yet I certainly can't live without you. Our relationship will always be confusing, but it is just what it is.

My ultimate prayer?? That you will go easier on our son. On all the other victims of yours. Spare him and their your hurt. Your pain. Your grief. Your loss. I know that's not possible, but please, Adoption..at least try. I love this lil person so much it hurts to think of the hurt you will cause him throughout his life, which will undeniably be even more than you've caused me. With that said though, I still have hope in you, and I cling to that.

Until we talk and even meet again, Adoption..