Does Anyone Care?

My fist clenches into a tight ball and shakes and my heart cries out from the deepest depth, does anyone care? It cries..as I look at my child. Through his sweet victories reminding me of what so many are missing, as well as through his leftover scars that are reminders of an old yet too recent life. My heart cries as I look at other children being advocated for.. As I contemplate all the others left behind. As I remember the faces that we left at our son's orphanage. As I hear about a little girl desperately needing a medical procedure to survive. Or the little boy who writes a letter begging for a family as he contemplates aging out onto the street. As I hear others coldly state "we need to adopt kids, HERE." Or, "The process costs too much." Or "But how will my other children be affected.." Or "I don't think I could handle it.." Or...
And I ask myself consistently, how much do we care?? How much do I REALLY care? And what am I REALLY doing about it..?

International adoptions have plummeted 80% over the past handful of years, despite the number of orphans actually increasing.

It’s said if this trend continues, international adoptions would END by 2022. 4 years from now. 4.

I’ve contacted my reps and plead they take up the cause and have asked others do the same. Unfortunately, I have a feeling maybe one or two of my friends outside of fellow adoptive parents contacted theirs.

"Adoption is contested, both in its cosmic and missional aspects. The Scriptures tell us there are unseen beings in the air around us who would rather we not think about what it means to be who we are in Christ. These rulers of this age would rather we ignore both the eternal reality and the earthly icon of it. They would rather we find our identity, our inheritance, and our mission according to what we can see and verify as ours - according to what the Bible calls "the flesh" -- rather than according to the veiled rhythms of the Spirit of life. That's why adoption isn't charity --- it's war." - R Moore

Can I be honest? It feels like if I were advocating for starving dogs down the road that'd garner more response; people would be scrounging up money and ways to help left and right. I hope I’m wrong. But that’s honestly the vibe I’ve gotten ever since educating myself on adoption in general, especially international adoption..

There’ve been many speculations as to why the huge decrease in adoptions abroad. Everything from Hague and tougher eligibility requirements, cost increases, the face of international adoption changing from healthy infant to older child and medical/special needs, and more. We could speculate all the dang day long, but the simple fact remains:: children all around the globe desperately need us, despite whatever excuse we can muster up as to why we can’t help them. Just last week I heard of another sweet child that had died while waiting for a family. You see, children around the globe aren't as privy to medical care (sometimes lifesaving), nutrition, stimulation, and so much more we, Americans, so easily take for granted on a daily basis.

We live in the comforts of our big fancy homes constantly focusing on and idolizing the faces within our four walls while ignoring the dying faces of children abroad. These are not imaginary people, friends. You may think "out of sight out of mind," oh but believe me, they exist. I've seen hundreds upon hundreds of faces of living breathing souls that had they been the only person on earth, our dear Jesus would have died on the cross for them. THAT is their value!!! Each and every one of them worth dying for as our Dear Savior showed us on Calvary. And again.. here we sit, maybe throwing a couple dollars and empty prayers here and there at the problem, then carrying on in our little American dream bubbles that we like to comfortably nestle in.

Friend, I'm asking you..please see how you can be a part of the orphan crisis. Be it donating, sponsoring, educating, giving toward family preservation, or adopting -- we need to be the hands and feet of Jesus in one way or another. So what is your part?? How can you and I make a difference in just one (or more) of these precious children's lives..?

Go to the link below and check it out. The petition closed with not enough signatures. Now go see ALL of the other petitions that easily get 100k signatures in 30 days. My heart is sad and angry. Lord, break our hearts for what breaks yours!!! Pure and faultless religion...

Petition to Save Adoptions

Dear Adoption

Dear Adoption,

We need to talk.

There's so much I've been needing to tell you. So much will be exactly what you want to hear, and some..well, please take a seat.

My feelings for you have changed over the years, especially over the past year or so since we completed our adoption.

You see, I absolutely adore you. I LOVE you. I'm beyond thankful for you. You afterall gave us our son. You've given so many children families, and so many families children. How could I not love you??

You're redemption.

You're hope.

You're love.

You take ashes and create beauty as we all like to say.

You edify and exemplify the Gospel in many ways.

You provide much needed medical care. Much needed stimulation. Education. And more.

You make orphans sons and daughters. 

B..but...you're also brokenness. 

I despise you for creating yet another trauma and loss in our son's life.

I despise that you're an option AT ALL; that children can't stay with their birth families.

I despise that you sometimes rip children from their birth countries, cultures, and from all they've ever known.

I despise that wicked people have taken advantage of you and have even coerced and tricked birth families to hand over their children.

I despise the hurt and confusion you will always cause for our son and many other adoptees.

I despise that your so called "beneficiaries" are the same ones that are also teased about you, looked at differently because of you, have ridiculous expectations because of you, and even become pawns for "heroic" and "feel good" storylines in so many tv shows and movies because of you.


I despise that sometimes no matter how hard you try, you're ultimately NOT enough. Nor will you ever be.

I despise your unknowns. Unknown family histories. Unknown medical histories. Unknown milestones. Unknown birthdates and even ages.

I despise people can't automatically recognize you. When I'm asked if I'm his "real" parent.

I despise when you fail. When parents go to adopt their children and come back empty handed. Or when a child is lovingly welcomed into one home, only to be sent to another months or even years later.

I also despise that unfortunately, I reflect you.

I adore you. Yet I can't stand you.

It isn't right that I get to hold and love on a little boy that rightfully should've remained in his birthparents' arms.

You see, you confuse me, Adoption. You're so incredibly complex. You're so incredibly beautiful, yet so incredibly..ugly. 

How can I love my son more than life itself, yet also wish he could've stayed with his birthfamily in his birthcountry?? I know you want me to just be thankful for my son and look past that "little" fact...but I can't. I. Just. Can't. Especially when my son may never look past it, and my heart never will either.

How do I look past all these things, Adoption?? How can I forgive the pain you've caused? Can you please tell me? You were so good at telling me all the good things as I grew up wanting to adopt one day, but where were you to tell me all the hard and ugly truths about yourself?? You're so good at putting on this facade. You're quite two-faced, though only wanting to show one side. You're quite the Jekyll and Hyde.

Yet, I adore you. I always will. I hope to even pursue you again, despite knowing your ugly side.

I love you, yet I hate you Adoption. I can't live with you in ways, yet I certainly can't live without you. Our relationship will always be confusing, but it is just what it is.

My ultimate prayer?? That you will go easier on our son. On all the other victims of yours. Spare him and their your hurt. Your pain. Your grief. Your loss. I know that's not possible, but please, Adoption..at least try. I love this lil person so much it hurts to think of the hurt you will cause him throughout his life, which will undeniably be even more than you've caused me. With that said though, I still have hope in you, and I cling to that.

Until we talk and even meet again, Adoption..

Meet ARIEL!!

Hi Friends!!!

I've been chosen to be an advocate for this sweet angel, Ariel. 😍 Please take time to read and SEE this sweet girl.

She was born August 2014 and just happens to be chromosomally enhanced (diagnosed with Down syndrome). She is good at following sound and pays attention. She likes to wave and clap her hands when she's happy. She gets along with other kids as well as her caretakers. She's a curious lil sweetie and loves to babble (when her file was prepared).

She is currently waiting for her family to see her and begin the process to adopt her.

Madison Adoption Associates is offering a $5k Bright Futures grant toward her adoption through their agency. If you're interested in adopting Ariel and would like more info, fill out a free application which can be found at https://madison.mysamdb.com/SAM/Fm/FamilyInformationSheet_Edt.aspx

The Down syndrome community is amazing. I have a few friends who are parents to children with DS who would be happy to answer your questions. Please feel free to comment or e-mail me!!!

1 YEAR HOME!!!

Oh my.

One year home tomorrow. And so much has happened, friends.

I apologize I didn't post an update for his first ever Family Day! We kept it on the downlow for the most part and honestly just took him out to one of our favorite Chinese restaurants for some yummy noodles.

William's doing honestly well over-all!! He still loves his nursery rhymes, and still loves to sing and dance in general. It's been hard to get him to watch anything that does *not* have music/dancing in it continuously, but just the other day he finally sat through an entire episode of Mr. Rogers, so I count that as a major win!! I'm now hopeful that this nursery rhyme and music video phase will fade to some degree (or so I hope!).

He weighs a whopping 38 1/2" tall and is about 36lbs, putting him at the 75 percentile for height/weight on the growth chart!! He was only in the 10th when he was still in China.

He's been counting to 20, says his ABCs much more clearly, says 5-6 word sentences a lot more clearly (still hoping to see more improvement in his connected-speech; imitation speech is superb though). He draws very simple people (or "Humpy-dumpties" as he calls them). He loves playing with his train set, pretending to read books, and constantly singing and dancing. He's still as hilarious as ever, loving to laugh and make others laugh. The other day I was explaining again to him that Daddy's real name is "William" too, and that's where he got his name. He held both hands out and was like "Well, look at all the Williams!!" Ha!!

He did remarkably well for his first surgery. Surprisingly, we had no regression which I expected. Whew!!

He loves to try to boss big bro and big sis around (they don't really let him though and I often remind William that Mommy and Daddy are boss and are the ones that tell them what to do). He's good about trying to be their "teacher" during the day since we homeschool. He'll demand the kids to finish their "Cool-work!!" Or  "Do your Maff (math) NOW!"

Mommy and Daddy have their own room again which has been priceless. We put William to bed, spend time with the bigs for an hour or so, then when they go to bed we retreat to our bedroom. I cannot begin to tell you how honestly thankful I am for this after almost a year of sharing a bedroom (we've had William in his own bed for more than 9 months, but shared a bedroom partially because Billy was remodeling the master). We're getting better sleep, and it's been priceless having our own space again.

We also took our first vacation as a family of 5 late September! We just spent 4 nights in Niagara Falls, Canada side. We visited MarineLand (so fun!!), went on a boat by the falls, Journey Behind the Falls, and other site-seeing. William did so well and had lots of fun and still talks about the "family twip," "water falls," and "booga (beluga) whales." When we crossed the border, William immediately hung his head out the window and told the security officer, "I'm brother!!" (well if that wasn't suspicious! Ha!).

He's also had his first Halloween (dressed up as the cutest lil doctor you've ever seen) and Thanksgiving with all his family. We're also looking forward to Christmas this year which feels like a first for him still (last year we were in-between moves, so we were at my parents' house and he was so newly home and wasn't able to really take Christmas all in).

This year has been so much easier in ways than I ultimately expected, and much harder in ways I least expected it. Does that make sense?? During our adoption process, I had no idea we'd have to move back to our homestate (10 hours away) just a week after getting back from China, I also had no idea of a few other life-altering events that would take place around the same time. We had already been emotionally and financially exhausted by the point we got to China. Adoptive parents will tell you China is HARD, and they cannot wait to get home. But I honestly felt China was easy compared to coming home. I dreaded coming home (I loved China and hated leaving William's birthplace, but also knew the hard ahead of us). All of that to say that any hard we experienced was *nothing* compared to the hard William was going through at the time. He was undoubtedly so very brave, braver than he (or any child) should ever have to be.

This year has been a whirlwind for all of us. Home improvements and maintenance on a house with 5 acres. Lots of swimming. Lots of bonfires and s'mores. Lots of playing. Lots of tears. Lots of fun. Lots of hugs. Lots of family. Lots of singing and dancing. Lots of jump time on the trampoline. Lots of firsts. Lots of games. Lots of heartache. Lots of mending. Lots of molding. Lots of grace. And last but certainly not least.. lots of love.

We've laughed until we cried and cried until we laughed. We danced forward and several steps back only to do it time and time again. We set sail East and winded up back West. We marched to the beat of our own drum. We flew to heights seemingly too high to fly. We prayed in ways we never had to pray before. We loved in ways we never loved before. We needed grace more than we ever needed before. And we would do it over and over again for a lil boy that stole our hearts the day he was placed in our arms in a small hotel business room in Fuzhou, China.

Adoption is far from easy, but it is always, always worth it.

What a year, William. You've stolen our hearts. You've made us smile. You've made us belly laugh. You've made us more complete. You've made us love more tenderly. Love more softly. Love more patiently. And love more gracefully. You are our little sunshine. Our little goof. Our little stinker. Thank you for all you've taught us; which is so much more than we'll ever be able to teach you. Thank you for bringing us more joy than we could've ever brought you. We love you more than you'll ever know. Just a couple months home as you were playing, you joyously said "Wiyum home. Home, Wiyum home." Happy 1 year home our lil "Wiyum." Here's to you being home a year with us, and us a year home with you. And here's to being home forever.

7 Month Update (1)

Boy, is this update overdue!!

William has now been in our arms for 7 months! Time has flown by. As you know, we moved back to Ohio a week or so after getting back from China, finally into our home a week into January and things have just been a bit crazy since then. :-)

So much has happened, so quite honestly I'm not sure where to start!

William has definitely adjusted well into our new home. We've got a great consistent routine going on which I know has helped him adjust that much more.

Some highlights so far have been first and foremost his 3rd birthday (May 31st)! We took him to get Chinese that evening, made him a cake and let him open a present from us, and then a week or so later we had a big birthday party with all our family. He had loads of fun playing on a couple small inflatables, in the pool and on the trampoline with cousins, lots of food and dessert - he definitely had a good time!!

Many ask us how his english is coming along and it's coming pretty well! He says 3-4 word sentences and occasionally even lengthier. His imitation speech is superb and copies words fairly well. He knows way more than 100 words now, so I've lost track.

Nursery rhymes and music are his favorite. Probably his favorite one is Humpty Dumpty (which he just recently drew a picture of! The very first recognizable picture he's ever drawn -- basically an oval with eyes and a mouth and sticks for legs protruding from the bottom..ha!).

He is still a jokester. He's constantly doing things to be funny, whether it's silly faces or funny gestures..he's a hoot!

He's been counting to 10 for the past few months and counts objects. He's getting much better with colors as well.

He's experienced so many firsts it's hard to keep track of! Remember him being unsure and scared of the pool in China?? Totally loves getting in one now! He's attended his first ball games, going to the zoo and seeing various animals for the first time, first time blowing out candles, first church services, first big family outings, first picnics, and the list goes on and on.

His attachment with all of us is strong. His attachment with Billy (Daddy) has improved so much since the last times I've posted! He loves his daddy. There is still some anxious attachment (having to know where I am at all times in the house - if he sees us get our shoes on or take them off he panics and makes sure his are on or off if ours are, etc). But outside of those things, he's doing as well as we could expect!

So much more to say, so I'll go ahead and split this update into two posts! I'll leave you with some recent pictures!

Dec.14-19; The Big Move

Dec. 10 :: 

"Sunday was spent cleaning and packing up the rest of our items and traveling to our midpoint to Ohio. It was a rough day for sure with a little boy who wanted nothing to do with hours of driving, and it was hard on mama and big sis to feel helpless half the time (the other half we exhausted ourselves trying our hardest to keep him happy).

He woke up happy the next morning and we went to meet and eat with sweet friends who live in the area (who recently adopted a sweet boy from China also). That was so nice, and wish we had more time with them!!!

After we got back to the hotel to check out and leave and in the meantime we thought sweet boy may have sprained his arm, and while Micah locked himself out of the other room with the loose dog inside...one of his very pricey retainers was eaten...and as we tried to leave my car wouldn't start from a dead battery.

Anyway...baby boy's arm is fine and eventually we got on the road and he enjoyed the 5 1/2 hour drive that day muuuuuch better than the day before. Ms. Cosette and I should've patted ourselves on the back because we worked hard to keep him happy!

William is fine moving around and is happy. I think he's learning that home is simply wherever he's with us.

 He has also recently really taken up singing and uses a flashlight for a microphone. He's veeerrry serious about it, and really tries to belt it out! Cracks us up."

Dec. 14 :: 

"Baby boy is currently taking his nap as you see in he pic below and I'm finally able to post a quick update. (Yes - he keeps us verrryy busy!)

Past few days have gone pretty well! Sweet boy has met 5 out of 6 of his grandparents, saw his new home for the first time, attended the closing for our home, and had his first doctor's appointment since getting to the US.

The doctor appointment went...as I expected. He cried anytime doctors came near him, and didn't want anything to do with their lil antics. ;-) A group of specialists were crowded in one room, and the developmental specialist pretty much dumped a bag of toys on the floor to see what he'd do with them. As you heard me say before, he's no fan of people he doesn't know and you could probably guess what he did with the stuff they asked him to play with. :-D We go back in several weeks, and he will be put through quite a bit during that visit and I've been told he may need sedation.

He's gotten a *lot* more cuddly over this past week, especially with me. And the other day he was very upset that Daddy was leaving to go to work which was nice to see/hear!!

He at times will argue with big bro or big sis. A couple days ago, big sis was telling him that the tablet she was on was hers saying, "You can't play with this, it's mine." He points to the tablet and says with a hymph, "No. Mine. Hymph!" I admit...hard not to laugh!

He continuously copies *everything* we or the kids do, so we've had to remind the kids to be just a wee-bit more attentive to what they're doing.

He's watched Micah swoop his hair to the side, so now every once in a while he swoops his hair (what little hair he has). He's also watched Micah take out his retainers and has tried to tug on his own teeth to "take out his."

He gave me the magnadoodler and said, "Draw Daddy!" And the kids get a kick out of him repeating weird words. They've had him say, "Dorito" "Frito" and "Cheeto" a million times in a few minutes..
With all that said - his pronunciation is crazy good at times. He says apple very clearly (whereas I remember the kids saying it as "Bockle" and "Bapple" around his age). This amazes me considering that he had a significant language delay in China, and was not saying much in his native language.

He's also a lil dare-devil! He jumps off the ottoman thinking/trusting we will catch him even if we're not looking/watching. He dives off the bed head first to the floor, etc.

His sleeping at night has taken a step back. He wakes up at least once a night - sometimes I'm able to soothe him back to sleep and into his pack n play, but at times he's ended up back in bed with us. I'm pretty sure it's nightmares. Lastnight he was throwing fists, kicking, and crying in his sleep at different times. I wish so badly I could get in his head to know what he may be dreaming (or then again, maybe I don't..)."

 

Dec. 10; First PP Visit and Getting Ready for a BIG Move!

 Dec. 10 ::

"As you probably guessed - we've been pretty busy and little to no time to hop on to post an update!!
We've had packers come for two days straight, our first post-placement visit with our social worker, and yesterday movers came to move everything out of the house.

So far it's gone pretty well - we've tried to just stay out of their way and to keep in one room to another to minimize stress for our lil guy. I guess the downside of trying to stay completely out of the way is that we've had things packed that shouldn't have been...like...important adoption paperwork...😨

Yesterday we ate out for the first time with him since getting home from China, and it went well! We went to Chick-fil-a and he enjoyed his chicken nuggets and playing in the play area with big bro and big sis. We then took him to the local community center's indoor play area. We honestly keep a very close eye on him around other kids. He hasn't harmed anyone, but when you've lived in a place for 2 1/2 years where hitting happened all the time...well..ya know.

We found a couple new favorite snacks - dried edamame beans and raisins.

We've been blessed with sleep since we've been home, but he's still not getting as much as he really needs for his age. Lastnight we almost got to 10 hours with him, but with waking up around 4a very restless like the night before. He's been sleeping in his pack n play by our bed nicely (which we're happy about!), and I go and soothe him if he wakes up and whines - and honestly give him a bottle (I know, not the best thing to give a lil a bottle in bed, but this is for his comfort - not going to take that away from him anytime soon).

It's been challenging to get ready for a move! Today I've been working on cleaning the house the best I can, all while tending to his needs. I'll leave to go upstairs (he's gated in the living area), and he'll shout "MOMMY?!!!!" I yell back, "Yes, honey????" And he babbles and says again..."MOMMY!!!!" As long as I'm answering back he seems okay, but I just try to take breaks and play or love on him when I can.

On the dog...we still have a gate up. *Sigh.* But..he fed Tarsus treats (by throwing them over the gate at him) and seemed to sort of enjoy watching him eat them up (that or he was hoping he'd choke to death on one..😂

Today Tarsus snuck out the back door and went running, so the baby and I were inside watching everyone try to track him down and he thought that was pretty funny (or again..hoping Tarsus would just run and never come back!).

He cracks us up so much. He'll have full-on Chinese-baby-babble conversations with me with the most *serious* facial and hand expressions. I typically just act like I totally know what he's talking about and chat with him through it and he loves it.

Tomorrow we say goodbye to Iowa after we go to church. Today as I was getting things ready, emotions flooded. So many good memories in just a lil over 2 years of time. Precious friends. :-(
We'll break up our trip to OH in two days and stay overnight in Peoria, and hoping to meet up with a sweet friend of mine who just adopted a few months ago from China as well!"

                He could only take so much smothering at this point as you can tell by his face!

                                                Like a warrior getting ready to battle. Ha!